Health Class
by blueshock
Summary: It's time for the x-men and brotherhood to take health class but their first day don't go the way any of them expect. Plz R&R.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ya, a new story. I hope you enjoy.

WARNING: THIS STORY IS NOT FOR CHILDREN. SOME CONTENTS MAYBE UNSUITABLE. BE WARNED.

**Chapter One**

"Oh man," Lance said, "I can't believe we have to take this health class."

"Don't complain," Pietro said, "It was either this or life science and you know I wouldn't be caught dead walking around with a sack of flower or an egg and take care of it like it's a real person."

Pietro and Lance made it to the Health class to see that Todd and Steve were already there. They went and sat down with them in the back of the class. Soon the bell rang and the teacher came into the room.

"Good day class," the teacher said with a big smile, "I'm Mr. Gibbons. Now I know most of you believe that this first week we are going to start easy, but no we are not. This first week we are going to learn about sexual education."

"Lame," Pietro muttered.

"Well thank you Pietro," Gibbons said, "You can be the first volunteer."

Pietro rolled his eyes, but walked up to the front of the class. Just as he got to the front, Kitty came running in.

"Sorry I'm late," Kitty said.

"Well, thank you too," Gibbons said, "Now we have our two volunteers. We will start our lesson with a little role playing. Now, let's say that Pietro, you have just slept with Kitty, now what is the proper thing to do after you're done?"

"Tell her to get out of my bed and go home," Pietro said.

"Ya, right like I'd ever sleep with you," Kitty yelled, folding her arms.

"No, that's not what I meant," Gibbons said with a sigh, "You need to make sure that you clean yourself properly, that way you don't get infections. Let's try this again. Now, let's say that Pietro didn't clean himself and he got an infection, what would you do?"

"I'd go complain," Pietro said, "It would be her fault for giving it to me."

"Hey, it wouldn't be my job to make sure you took a stupid shower," Kitty yelled.

"No," Gibbons said, rubbing his eyes, "You would go to the hospital and get antibiotics. That way you can get rid of it. Now, one more time, you are about to begin in intercourse, what do you do first?"

"Tell her to put a paper bag over her head," Pietro said, causing some people to laugh.

"No," Gibbons quickly said before Kitty could say anything, "Always use protection, like a condom. You can buy most condoms at stores and pharmacies. They do come in many sizes."

"Ya, Pietro would need an extra small," Kitty said, causing even more students to laugh.

"Hey, I'm very big," Pietro quickly said, going a bit red in the face.

"Oh ya, than like show us," Kitty said.

"Ya, you would like that wouldn't you," Pietro said with a grin on his face.

"Let's have you two go sit down," Gibbons quickly said, "Let's have Todd and Rogue come up."

Kitty went and sat down by Jean, while Pietro went back to sit down. Rogue and Todd walked up to the front. Rogue didn't look at all happy.

"Ok," Gibbons said, looking a bit nervous, "Now, let's say that Todd didn't use protection and got Rogue pregnant, now Rogue how do you react and how would you tell Todd?"

"I wouldn't tell him," Rogue said, "I would go have the thing sucked out of me as soon as I found out."

"You can't do that," Todd yelled, "That is a living thing."

"Hey, it's my body and I can do what I want with it," Rogue said.

"Well, that is a choice you could do," Gibbons said, "Well, let's try this instead. Let's say you are about to have intercourse, but Todd you know you have HIV, do you tell Rogue before you begin?"

"No," Todd said, "I wouldn't tell her, because it would be funny just to give it to her yo."

Rogue gave a small scream, before picking up a chair and throwing it at Todd. The chair hit Todd and caused him to fall down. Gibbons quickly went to help him up to see that his nose was bleeding.

"Oh, go to the nurse's office," Gibbons said, "And you Rogue can go to the principal's office."

Rogue and Todd left the classroom.

"Well," Gibbons said, "I'm just going to let you stay seated. Let's start with Scott, say you're at a party and there is a drunken girl all over you, what do you do?"

"He would probably leave," Lance said, "Too much girl contact."

"You don't know what I would do," Scott said.

"What does that mean?" Jean yelled.

"Let's try again," Gibbons quickly said before it could go any further, "Steve let's say that Kathy was hitting on you and she wanted to go back to your place, what would you do?"

"SICK," Steve yelled, "That's my sister."

"Oh I'm sorry," Gibbons said, "Let's just say a girl you know."

"I can't think of that now," Steve said, hitting his head on the desk, "Can't get the image out of my head."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Gibbons said, looking a bit more nervous, "Ok, Jean, let's say you go to the hospital and find out that you got an STD, probably from your boyfriend, what would you do?"

"I know he would have got it from the drunken girl that he slept with," Jean yelled.

"Jean, I wouldn't do that," Scott said.

"How do I know that?" Jean yelled, "You just gave me an STD."

"Let's try to move on," Gibbons said, wiping some sweat off his forehead, "Let's have two volunteers. Uh how about Lance and Kathy?"

Kathy and Lance walked to the front of the class room.

"Now we are going to learn about body parts," Gibbons said taking a deep breath, "Now, Lance how do you have intercourse?"

"Well," Lance said, looking a bit embarrassed, "I put my thing in her thing."

"That is correct, sort of," Gibbons said, "Where is her thing located?"

"Between her legs," Lance said.

"Could you point it out?" Gibbons said.

Lance stood there for a few seconds before pointing at the spot.

"Very good," Gibbons said, "Now, Kathy could you explain how to have intercourse, maybe a bit better than Lance?"

"Well," Kathy said, not looking at all nervous, "The man takes his dick and puts it in the girl's vagina."

Some of the students started laughing, but Gibbons said, "That is correct. Now, could you point out where his thing is?"

Kathy turned around and then kicked Lance right between the legs. Lance fell to the ground and curled up in a ball. Some more students started laughing, while Lance laid on the ground, trying not to cry.

"There is the spot," Kathy said, "And you will notice that it is a very tender spot."

Gibbons quickly went to help Lance, while Kathy just walked out the door. Lance managed to stand up and walk back to his desk.

"Well," Gibbons said, with a weird laugh, "This has not really been a good learning day.

Gibbons sat down at his desk and just stared at the students for a few minutes. Soon the bell rang and everyone started to leave.

"Tomorrow we will start on hygiene," Gibbons muttered, "No more sexual education."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Yay, finally got this up. I have seriously been waiting like a year to post this, I had it wrote down in a notebook all this time. Would like to thank RoseJustice whose review gave me the idea. I do hope you enjoy.

**Chapter Two**

The next day in Health class. Gibbons watched as the students came in and sat down. Soon the bell ran and it was time for class. Gibbons took a few deep breaths before standing up.

"Good day," Gibbons said, "we're starting today on personal hygeine. Oh and sorry to inform you that Rogue and Kathy got suspended, if you didn't know that already."

Gibbons looked around the room to see that no one looked like they cared at all.

"Okay than," Gibbons said, "we are going to start with skin care, so lets bring Todd and Jean to the front of the class."

Todd gave a small groan, but walked up to the front of the room. Jean walked up aswell, but stood as far away from Todd was she could with her arms folded.

"Is he going to give me something?" Jean asked, giving Todd a disgusted look.

"No, I told you we are done with that," Gibbons said, "Now, lets start, look at Todd's skin and you can see. He doesn't take real good care of it."

"I do too," Todd said as students started laughing, "I take my monthly shower."

"You're supposed to take a shower at least once daily," Gibbons said, "so today, the class is going to help you with that."

"WHAT?" Todd screamed.

"Yes, so strip down to your boxers and please throw those clothes away," Gibbons said.

Todd gave another groan, but started taking off his clothes, while students were laughing.

"You have dirty boxers," Gibbons said, looking a bit disgusted, "luckily I bought some just in case. You can go in the other room and put them on."

Gibbons handed him a bag and he walked into another room. Five minutes later he came back into the classroom, looking embarrassed. Everyone started laughing. He had on purple butterfly boxers on.

"You look good," Gibbons said, ignoring the laughs, "now, Jean, I need you to take a wet rag and wipe him down."

Todd sat down on a chair, while Jean got a rag. Jean made a disgusted face. She put the rag in one of the buckets of water that were in front of Gibbons desk. Jean turned to Todd and slowly wiped off his shoulder. She looked at the rag to see that it was already very dirty. Jean sat the rag down on the table, before putting her hand over her mouth and running out of the classroom.

"Oh dear," Gibbons said, "well, maybe better if I have a boy do this. So, Pietro, your turn."

Pietro looked around a bit shocked, but he walked to the front of the class. He grabbed the rag and quickly started working. He started with Todds arms and than went to his back and chest. Pietro wiped off his legs and than moved down to Todd feet. Pietro went to wipe them off, but the second he got close, the smell was just so bad that he passed out.

"It's not my fault," Todd quicky said as Gibbons pulled Pietro away from Todds feet.

"I'm sure it wasn't," Gibbons said, taking a bucket of clean water and putting it in front of Todd, "Just put your feet in that, it might help."

Todd stuck his feet into the water and watched it go a greenish color.

"Okay, lets have Scott come up," Gibbons said.

Scott went to the front of the class. Gibbons handed him a scrub brush and body wash.

"You can scrub him clean," Gibbons said.

"Can't he do it himself?" Scott asked, looking very disgusted.

"Well, yes, he could, but then none of you would be learning anything," Gibbons said.

Scott went over and got the rag wet, using a different bucket of water, since the first was was too dirty to use. He got some body wash and the scrub brush, it smelled like flowers and was a white color. He started with Todd back and noticed how quick the color of the body wash changed from white to a brownish green color.

"Oh gross," Scott said, quickly dipping the scrub brush in the water, "do you even use soap?"

"Hey, lets just say this is hurting me more then it is you," Todd muttered.

Scott grabbed the body wash and started jumping it all over Todd until the bottle was empty. He dropped it on the floor and quickly started scrubbing. When he was done, Todd was covered in brownish green soap. Scott dropped the scrub brush and grabbed a clean bucket of water. Scott dumped the water on Todd, who jumped at the sudden splash of cold water all over him.

"More water," Scott said, looking a bit insane.

Gibbons quickly grabbed Scotts arm.

"I think you need a break," Gibbons said, leading Scott to the door, "just go relax."

Scott left the classroom, while almost everyone looked shocked. Todd sat back down on the chair, shivering a bit. He was now completely drenched. Gibbons handed him a towel that he quicky wrapped up in. Gibbons went to the other room and pushed out what look to be one of thos hair washing stations in a salon. He pushed it behind Todd.

"Now, it's time for hair," Gibbons said, "and I'm sure Kitty can do this one."

Kitty looked at Gibbons, before standing up and walking over to the wash station. Todd leaned his head back with an uncomfortable look on his face. Ktty started the water and got his hair all wet, though it didn't really matter since it had already been wet. She picked up the shampoo/conditioner. She put half the bottle in his hair before she started scrubbing. Everything thing was fine, until she got her hands got stuck.

"AAAWWW," Kitty screamed, "HIS HAIR IS EAITING MY HANDS. AAAWWW IT BURNS."

Gibbons quickkly ran over to help. Students were gasping and trying to get a better look at what was going on. Kitty was stil screaming and trying to pull her hands out.

"Please calm down," Gibbons said, starting to wash the soap out of Todd hair.

Kitty screamed even louder, before her hands came free. When they did she ran out of the classroom, stil screaming.

"Oh well, the soaps all out," Gibbons said, turning the water off.

Todd sat up and shook his head. He looked at Gibbons who was staring at the other students.

"Well, lets get you dressed," Gibbons said, handing Todd a bag of clothes, "just go in the other room and change."

Todd got up and took the bag. He went into the other room and got dressed. When he came out more students started laughing. He was black jeans that went down to his knees and a blue t-shirt.

"So that's it?" Todd asked.

"Well, we were going to brush your teeth and your hair," Gibbons said, "but I think we have lost enough students, so you can do that yourself."

Todd gave a sigh of relief. He quickly brushed his teeth, combed his hair back and sat back at his desk. Gibbons started putting everything away. He put the dirty buckets in the other room. He gave a disgusted look at the water that Todds feet have been in, which was black. After putting everything away, Gibbons sat down at his desk unti the bell rang.

"Okay class," Gibbons muttered, "tomorrow we will start on - oh I don't know, just go."

Everyone left, except Pietro who was stil passed out.

"That was just horrible," Todd said, "I feel so gross."

"Hey, Todd," some random girl said, walking over to him, "you look different. You want to hang with me and my friends?'

Todd looked over at the girls friends, who were giggling and waving at him.

"Ya," Todd said, before turning to Lance and Steve, "i will see you later."

Todd ran off with the girl, leaving behind a very shocked Lance and Steve. It just goes to show you that all he really needed was a good bath.


End file.
